i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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