oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
