so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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