I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
