Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
