And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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