Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
