What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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