My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
