Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
