what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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