It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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