This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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