JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't deserve a penis
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
