God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
