i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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