I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
