I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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