Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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