you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
