i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
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Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
where are my eyebrows?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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