Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
