in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
