Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
