I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
