My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
