hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
