He kissed a someone with a penis
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
