Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize