he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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