Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
