My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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