The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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