Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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