Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
