Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You made out with two different species that night
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
