now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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