You just made me feel so damn special
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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