Will you blow on my dice?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They took my balls.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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