my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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