I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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