I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
