My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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