community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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