And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
