Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
