my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
