I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
