goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish you could order shots online.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
