I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
