Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
