Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
