you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
