the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
