You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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