make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize