I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
