That's intense
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
