I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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