What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
