Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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