I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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