i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
