Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You need Xanax blowdarts
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
