i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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