So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
