OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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