he wants to bone in the snuggie
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
