i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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