to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
