Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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