birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
