Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
