hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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