i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
