After last night, I could never be a politician.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
